Change -- The Tenacity of Just One Woman

Tonight I met an amazing woman in my Comfort Measures class.  She is planning to deliver at a hospital different from the one where I teach. She and her husband have given me permission to share her story and I will do the best I can to express why I was touched by her.

She has older children, as well as school age, and is pregnant after giving birth a couple of years ago to a baby who did not make it to his birth day.  This woman had done a lot of research and insisted that her doctors allow her to deliver her baby vaginally . . . after three (3), yes, that's THREE previous C-sections.  Now, I personally an aware of and support what is typically referred to as VBACs (vaginal birth after Cesarean.  I was just surprised that this mom demanded . . . and got . . . her VBAC after three C-sections-- and at this particular hospital.  This woman had done a lot of research, took copies of that research to her care providers, and convinced them to support her efforts to avoid another C-section.

She delivered her baby . . . who was also in a frank breech position . . . vaginally, and without an episiotomy.  This amazingly strong woman -- even with the grief of the expected loss of her baby due to a birth defect incompatible with life (past a short period of time) --worked to have the birth experience she wanted . . . and was very empowered by it.  Not only that, she was likely the catalyst to encourage her physician to support other women who had 2 and 3 previous C-sections to deliver vaginally their healthy babies.  Her doctor has become known as THE physician to go to for VBAC births in this geographical area.

This amazingly strong woman said that the empowerment she felt two years ago to stand her ground in her desire was a gift from her baby.  In my opinion, it could be one of the purpose's of his brief life.  Because no one expected him to live, even if born alive, her health care professionals were more open to the VBAC.  The success of the birth with regard to the mother's health made a real impact on her care providers.  It made an impact on his mother too, as she described the vast difference she felt physically after having C-sections and then having a vaginal birth.  I could see it's effect on her as she told her story. Women remember each birth the rest of their lives, and even "re-feel" the emotions of each experience.  I could hear sadness,  determination, strength, intelligence, and bittersweet joy in her story.  Obviously, I was very moved.

This mother has now planned for the birth of this healthy little one.  She has hired a doula, taken a comfort measures class, takes good care of herself, and continues to do research.  Her husband is a quiet man, yet very supportive, and must be a man of great strength himself.

Yes, I was very impressed by this woman.  Her efforts have educated her care providers.  They have made birth better for others.  I hope . . . no, not hope .  . . I trust she will have a very special birth experience this time.  Her last one was special, too -- even though it was heart breaking.   This one will be "the one" that all women should be blessed to have.  In reality, it will be the one which women were designed to have.  I'm glad, because of her determination and work, she will likely experience natural childbirth -- as it was designed to be -- with it's pain and it's joys, and this time, with a baby she will be able to keep and love in more than in her heart and in her memories.

God bless you, dear lady and husband.  I am honored to have met you both.   Thank you for making birth more positive and safer for others by your desire to understand it and your determination to experience it.  Your little one is in Heaven now, whole and happy, in the presence of the One who made that child and gave him a special purpose . . . one which could, in fact, save the lives of other babies and mothers.  May God give you and your husband much amazing joy and minimal bitter sweetness with this new baby's birth.

The Power of "No".

I recently was involved with putting together a conference entitled "Birth Really Matters:  Optimizing Maternal and Neonatal Outcomes".  We had a couple of physicians, half dozen midwives, several RNs, several doulas, several lactation consultants, and a few childbirth educators attend.  A certified nurse midwife from VCU Centering Pregnancy was a speaker.  She showed a video (link to be displayed at the end of this post) on the rights of childbearing women.

As a childbirth educator, I am often asked "Will they let me . .  .?".  To this I usually respond, "What you want to say it 'My plan is to  . .  .',  or, 'I will be doing . . . '.  Avoid asking if something is OK.  A nurse or physician could be having a bad day, and you can get a "no" when that should not be the case." 

At the conference, a midwife in the audience talked to us about the power of "no".  If a nurse says, "I need to take your baby to weigh and bathe it", you can say "No.  I want to hold my baby and let her breastfeed for a while longer.  I do not plan to for my baby to have a bath today."  If a physician says "You have to have IV fluids", you can say "No.  I will be taking in fluids orally.  I do not want to be connected to IV fluids".

So, what if you have signed all kinds of consent to treat forms?  "No" trumps these.  No matter what you have consented to allow to be done, or to do, at any time you can invoke the power of "No".  At this point, without a court order, no one can force you to do anything.

My advice?  Use your power wisely.  If necessary, ask questions, and use your BRAIN (benefits, risks, alternatives, intuition, and "no" or "not now" if applicable).  Christian women have a great resource:  prayer.  Ask for wisdom in making your decision (James 1:5).

Do not be intimidated.  It is your body.  It is  your birth experience.  To the care provider, it is just another day at the office.  You will remember this experience -- and deal with any effects -- for the rest of your life.  And, most importantly, it is YOUR baby.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K105F9o3HtU

http://childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10084&ClickedLink=0&area=27